4 am and here I am on my computer after jumping out of bed because I laid in it for almost 5 hours before realizing it isn’t one of those get-your-resty nights for me. Because insomnia. Something that’s been a part of me for 25 years and I still try to resist sometimes. Anyway.

Am I the only fan still reeling from Prince’s death? I know there are some reading this that aren’t familiar with Prince, young ones and such. You should know that Prince was more than an icon or a legend. Prince was an entity that this world was lucky enough to have had him dance on its surface.

The news hit me in the head and heart and it’s been on repeat. I figured my mourning period would have succumbed to life existent but it has yet to agree. I never met Prince or went to one of his performances, I only heard stories of his lovers and lifestyle choices and I listen to his music like every other day. I really have no reason to even care (stay with me now), but I do. I’m missing Prince.

Something changed in me a couple days after I heard the news of Prince’s death. I’m still in a state of purple numb and don’t care to get into that right now other than may he RIP. Maybe it’s not been completely evident just yet or maybe it’s been screaming at the top of the internet lungs, whatever, but I’ve been really pissed off. Why? Because I can’t sleep, damnit! Haha just kidding. No, that’s not it. It’s because “friendships” I had no choice but to walk away from. The last 9 months have been some kind of a cleansing and purging of negativity and unhealthy relationships. Last I checked, I left behind 18 people that I’d known for a minimum of 10 years, 1 person I’d known for 20 years. One after the other, like clockwork set to signal that moment just when you think everything will chill out and it doesn’t, people I would have killed for, that I loved and respected and kept secrets for, displayed a hate for me that only ignited and burned because I lost weight.

Do I regret losing weight? Hell No. Do I miss those people? Hell No.

From the poor soul that admittedly hallucinated conversations with me and decidedly spread who knows how many fictional tales to the guy I used to ditch high school with for Carl’s Jr. breaks that ended up constantly telling me he’d cheat on his wife to the jackass that is still slandering me for not doing porn on his non-existent website to the person I considered one of the most professional go-getters I knew that ended up telling me his wife can’t know about the business we were starting, etc. etc. etc.

No, you probably won’t really be able to get where that’s all coming from unless you know more about each of these stories and I don’t expect you to get it, got it? But if you do, awesome. So what the fudge does this have to do
with Prince?

His death stings me more than losing any of those friendships did. Someone I never met, spoke to, shared a meal or moment with has left a void that I could’ve never seen coming. After hours of trying to figure why this was so, the answer came to me and gave me chills. It made me recognize a lot about life that I needed to be reminded of. Obviously, Prince is cooler than any of the people I dumped. It’s worth my time and glass-caged emotions to feel something for Prince because he actually did something with his life. He used his entire being to inspire, create, love, teach, and mesmerize people. He made people reflect on what is. There’s no time for shady shit, or to be distracted by shady shit when you live with noteworthy purpose. And we all have purpose, some people just decide that their purpose is to be extremely insecure and revel in an inferiority complex on a loop. I can’t speak for anyone except myself here, but that doesn’t sound fun. Like at all. That’s anti-fun. Even though a big switch-up like kicking 18 people I cared about out of my life wasn’t exactly fun, living my days being jealous of someone that’s got something figured out better than I do is totally dumb. You know what else is dumb? Thinking about the pain that people cause instead of living the very purpose that was meant to be lived…

Perhaps this post will be the final period at the end of a unique 9 month sentence I’m escaping from. Perhaps this post will help to remind you (and me :)) to not sweat the small stuff, even when it’s compounded into a huge crap mound, it’s still just crap.

PS: To any of those I discontinued that are reading this, it’s going to stay that way.

PPS: To everyone else, I really like getting messages from you. And I really like responding so please, super please make sure your email is entered correctly in the contact form if you really want me to answer.

“There’s always a rainbow at the end of every rain.”
– Prince